Mouland Family: Update on Life

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to drop a quick note to let you all know how we are doing these days. It is hard to believe that it has been over three months since Gabbi died, but we are growing stronger everyday. Life has certainly found a new normal, not at all where we hoped or expected to be in our lives right now, however we are making every effort to find enjoyment in our lives and to be greatful for the family we have worked so hard to build. Gabbi is very much a part of that family, we think of her every day and her things are in places in our home that we can enjoy them and her. Katie particulary enjoys looking through Gabbi's scrapbook and we tell her all about Gabbi - so that one day she will understand what a special little sister she had. Our tears still flow but not as often, and though this was hard to accept at first, it does feel good for us to be moving forward.

Last week was particularly challenging for us - Mon was the three month anniversary of Gabbi's birth. Our dear friends, with whom we shared our due, welcomed their beautiful son into the world on Thurs - a bittersweet time for us as we expereince such happiness for them and pain that we are just welcoming our baby into our arms. Fri we had our follow-up with the obstetrician and received tests results. Sat was our due date, a particularly difficult day. Sun of course was mother's day and another set friends welcomed their daughter into the world. We anticipated a difficult time last weekend and invited my mom, who has been an amazing source of support for us, to spend a weekend away in Waterton with us. We enjoyed some down time and relaxation together. It was a good choice to have a little get away - however you can only run from life for a little while and then it catches up to you. It was a weekend of reflection and family for us, and we are so glad that my mom was able to be a part of it.

As I mentioned we received the results of Gabbi's chromosomal testing and my bloodwork. We were relieved to find no surprises and were informed that Gabbi indeed had a chromosomal issue, as thought at the time of her birth, known as Turner's Syndrome. Turner's occurs when girls have only one X chromosome (instead of 2 Xs, males have an X & a Y chromosome). Babies can be born and live with Turner's, however thay are at a much higher risk for other complications inutero and after birth. In Gabbi's case she developed a cystic hygroma (fluid collection due to insufficient lymphatic drainage) on the back of her head, and then developed hydrops (fluid collection throughout her body). This we knew from the ultrasound prior to her birth, the hygroma was very obvious and we could see that her lungs and stomach had filled with fluid as well - what we did not know was the underlying cause - Turner's. There are varying degrees of cystic hygroma, the type of hygroma that Gabbi had is always fatal. Babies have been born with this type of hygroma but have never survived more than a few days. There is no cure, therefore even had we had the "normal" ultrasounds nothing could have been done, we would have either had to choose to terminate the pregnancy - which we would not have done, or live with the knowledge that our baby was going to die and wait for it to happen. This is exactly why we chose not to have ultrasound, and the knowledge that there is nothing that could have changed the outcome of Gabbi's life brings us comfort. Gabbi was a fighter however, most babies don't live past 22 weeks gestation with hygroma and our little angel lived for 26 weeks - she tried her best to win a fight that was impossible. My blood work came back with no overwhelming concerns, we are keeping an eye on a couple of things, more as a precaution, but have been told that there is no reason that we cannot have another healthy baby.

This journey has tested us beyond anything we could have imagined and we are proud to say that it has strengthened us as individuals, a couple and a family. It has tested other relationships in our lives as well - we have found support in places we never could have imagined and others have struggled to understand our journey. We are greatful for all the love and support we have received. We enjoy talking about and sharing Gabbi. She is and always will be our daughter, and it is healing and important to us that she always be remembered - so many of you have and continue to do this for us - THANK YOU! Our journey is far from over, likely never will be as grief is life long, however we continue on....

Enjoy some photos from our weekend in Waterton - it was very peaceful as are the photos.

Chrissy, Bryan & Katie Mouland